guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
