i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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