Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
