soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
