I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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