I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
