"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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