its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
