I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
