I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
