my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
