I am in a vortex of obligation.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
