She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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