I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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