I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
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