I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
