I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
