You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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