her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
