Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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