escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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