he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
it was like eating out sand paper
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
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