she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
