oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
