the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
