If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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