not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
they need to just BURY HIM!
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
