u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
We don't watch enough power rangers
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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