I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
These tits shall not be calmed
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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