The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
