just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
