She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
