she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
zippers are such a cool invention
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
