woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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