the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Randomize
