Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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