She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I will pee on everything he values.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize