I queefed so loud it echoed.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
