I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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