I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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