Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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