You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
