there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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