The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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