i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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