I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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