his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
What changed your mind?
Being sober
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
