i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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