Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
