I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
