im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
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