someone get that fucking seahorse.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
