Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Randomize
