I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
