Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
