so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
