Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
