all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Someone came in the potted fern
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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