Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
