eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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