If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
