I need help removing her.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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