READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize