I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
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