Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
