In the future we'll all be gay
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
