you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
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